Friendships are one of life’s greatest joys, family gives us relationships by blood bond and how special these bonds may be we never really choose these specific people to be in our lives, they were just there from the start. Friends however are the special people we choose in life, the ones we feel connected to for some reason without having any strings attached. Friends understand and accept us for the way we ware. These deep friendships are a tremendous gift and you can actually have them with someone form the opposite sex too. There is so much to learn and respect about both genders. But at times these opposite sex friendships can also be a great challenge. One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex. The feelings are so intense, and the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing.
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At some point in your life you get the amazing gift of meeting someone of the opposite sex you feel an amazing connection with right away. When meeting a person like this usually means going on dates, getting to know each other better and eventually falling in love. But sometimes things just don’t work out they way you thought they would, you guys somehow leave feelings unspoken and remain friends.
Dan: ‘Eventhough I have great guy friends, there is this girl in my life.. we go way back. Over the years we’ve always found each other again. To some people us losing sight of each other doesn’t mean being best friends but to me it does.. we have that special bond.. We’re soulmates.. when we meet again there is this crazy connection and I start smiling instantly, we can talk for hours but we somehow stay in the friend zone. Maybe we’re to open with each other? Maybe we share to much of our personal / dating life with each other to be able to move forward from being friends to being more than this? Maybe we’re afraid to lose what we have over a potential break-up? Maybe we get bored of each other when the years go by? I could never see her bore me though.. but what if I bore her? Am I just overthinking this?’
Sometimes the connection you have with this person is so special and so amazing you’re afraid revealing your feeling might screw things up. You can never be a 100% sure on another persons feelings, having a soulmate might frighten you at some point.
Emily: ‘I’m in love with my best friend, I’m very certain about this.. It’s so hard though, sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we’re ‘just friends.’ It’s torn my heart up on several occasions. I’m currently trying to get over him, because it’s just too hard to love him from a distance. I don’t want to lose our friendship as we’ve been through a lot together in the years we’ve known each other, but I’d rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.”
Once soulmates don’t start dating right after they meet, chances are high feelings are left unspoken and the friend zone will be the forever-zone. The are several reason why you guys didn’t took the plunge right at the beginning. One of the reasons could be the fact that your potential soulmate was already in a relationship at the time you guys met or the relationship was a no no because of a unspoken colleagues shouldn’t be dating – rule.
Steve: ‘I will never forget the day I met her at the office, long blond hair, big brown eyes. She was introduced to me by our HR officer and when she shook my hand I felt the softest skin ever. During lunch breaks we kinda forgot the world around us, laughing and joking, we had the best conversations I ever had with a person. The lights in her eyes are just amazing.. I know I like her and I thinks she likes me back, but we have this unspoken no colleague-dating policy at the office, so I never asked her out. As our friendship developed we started meeting outside the office too and at some point we started sharing our dating-life stories with each other to keep things ‘friendly’. I think we’re now at a point of no return.. Once your stuck in a friend zone you’re just staying there I guess? I don’t want to loose her.’
When you have the ingredients to develop awesome love which could turn into a great marriage at some point, should you go for it? Someone once said great friends make great lovers. The longer you’re friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be. We get that it’s hard to know all this ‘dating with other people stuff’ about each other but look at it the bright way: there are no skeletons in the closet. That’s the upside of being friends: they’re more honest with each other than lovers usually are.. Friends say what they need to say to each other without fear, and good friends are more likely to be spontaneous with their activities.
So at what point should you tell them?
Gaby: ‘ The only time I would recommend someone to reveal their feelings is if they almost sure it is mutual. A really honest friendship will often develop into love without any conscious effort. And if he doesn’t ‘love’ you in that way, isn’t having a real, honest, caring guy friend better than a boyfriend that might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don’t have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he loves you in a way already.”
Whether you tell your best friend about your feelings or not is up to you. You should really consider what Gaby is saying here: Do you value having a romantic relationship more with risking problems of any kind (break-ups, non mutual feelings) than having a real, honest and caring guy friend who will be there the rest of your life? No one has the right answer to this, it’s up to you what you decide.
